Today, as I was looking through some paperwork in my study, my gaze fell upon a silver box holding several cards. I have often glanced at it over the past year, but have hesitated in rereading any of the notes filling it. I finally lifted one out and opened it again, knowing that what I would read inside was sure to bring tears. No one tells you when you lose someone that through all of the hurt and pain you experience there is an additional emotional tide that waves over you each time you feel the support of those reaching out to you. The love that is experienced in those moments is so bittersweet. It is a pure mixture of sweet kindness and bitter reminders. I don’t know how to ever truly thank those that have reached out to me in my lowest moments and carried me through my biggest struggles. I know that I have expressed thanks in various ways, but there is a place deep down in my soul that fears I will leave someone without proper acknowledgement. I hope they know how much all of their kind words, deeds, support, presence, and hugs mean to me. I also hope that Mama feels it too. I so wish that she could see how people love her and how much of an impact she made on all of our lives.
I read through each and every one of those cards today. It felt good to re-experience the kindness of my friends and embrace the love that was included within them. I have one friend in particular that gave me a statue of two figures in an embrace. It was gifted as a reminder that Mom’s embrace is always with me. I look at it every day and remember its message. I draw a certain sense of strength from it and am very cognizant of the blessing of friendships that I have. There are so many special things in my house now that seem to take on much more importance than others and only those closest to me realize the magnitude of significance they hold. To some they might just appear to be objects, but for me, they are constant reminders of those that have supported me, loved me, guided me, and continue to help me regain my footing throughout this difficult year. The cards are exactly that….a reminder that even when I feel I am all alone….someone is keeping me close to their heart and right in the center of their well wishes….and that brings a different sense of comfort.