Today, as my body was pulled from its heavy dose of slumber, I seemed to instantly wake with pancakes on my mind. This is highly unusual for me. I typically wake with thoughts about Mom. I was saddened by the prospect that today may be the preface to that inevitable evolution in this process. At any rate, pancakes were on my mind and I could tell it was going to be one of those cravings that just wasn’t going to evaporate into thin air. Something concrete was required to help it dissipate.
Since I am not one to make pancakes very often, a cookbook was going to be necessary. As I browsed through my treasured collection of recipe filled bibles, I found that I instantly went to my most recent additions in hopes of stumbling upon a new favorite concoction. However, as I flipped through, peered at, and contemplated adjustments, it became clear that sometimes new isn’t best. Sometimes, the old, tried and true is ultimately what one needs. I finally reached in and carefully pulled out the very first cookbook I ever received. It is not one that I go to often now, typically opting for the newer, more en vogue cookbooks, but I had high hopes and few other options to rely upon.
As I laid it carefully on the counter, I found my fingers gently running over it and memories of Mama coming to me. Although the color was fading and the pages browned, spotted, wrinkled and torn, I felt certain what I was seeking was hidden inside. I took my time in savoring this moment as I knew exactly what I would see when I opened the cover page. In our family for years we have included an inscription in those cookbooks that we are offering to one another as gifts of celebration. I knew that I would find that and as my anticipation lingered just under my emotions, I opened the book and found myself staring at exactly what I feel was destined for me today, “Happy Cooking, Love Mom and Dad, Christmas 1986.” As I looked at the signatures, I realized that Dad had filled out the inscription. I’m not sure why this affected me so much, but I found myself absolutely loving the fact that both of them had touched this gift and left their own mark to linger.
So as I collected ingredients and supplies, measured amounts and blended to combine, I thought about how long it had actually been since I made traditional pancakes. I truly couldn’t even remember. It felt like old times. It felt like being home with Mom in the kitchen and it felt nostalgic; but most of all, it felt like the mending of a broken heart and it soon filled me with love and happy moments with Mama.