See You Tomorrow

Mama

Exactly one year ago today, I hugged my sweet Mama for the last time.  I still remember holding on tight to her and not wanting to let go, scared and uncertain of how exactly I was supposed to do that.  I soon came to realize that it’s not until the physical body is gone that you truly begin to hold onto the soul.  At that moment, when there is nothing left to grasp onto, the best part of a loved one’s soul holds tight to you instead and helps guide you through the most difficult moments of your life.  It is at that time that you begin to feel the magnitude of love that has ebbed and flowed between the two of you.

There is not a day that passes that I do not think of Mama all the time.  Her face is at the forefront of my mind as I rise and her words of wisdom comfort me at night as I try to wind down from the challenges of the day.  She is in the stories that I share with friends and the advice that I offer to my students.  Her words lift from my tongue without realization until the thought pops into my mind that it is exactly something she would say.  When I’m feeling sad, thoughts of her kindness comfort me.  When I’m feeling angry, memories of her strength and perseverance enter my mind.  When I’m feeling happy, recollection of her laughter envelopes my heart.

She is with me today just as much as she was all the years before.  I cannot hug her tightly in my arms; but, I can feel her arms wrapped around my heart.  I cannot share in conversation with her; but, I can sense her words of comfort daily.  I cannot taste her food, ask her a question, or comfort her when she cries.  But there is one thing for certain I can experience…..each time my chimes ring….which tends to be often these days….it sure feels like her voice rising just above all the other angels on high to sing a song of happiness and support.

One of the things that stands out so strongly in my memory of Mama in her final days is how positively she acknowledged her final visits with friends and family.  Instead of saying goodbye each time someone came to visit her during that final week, Mama tended to say, “See you tomorrow.”  It remains as one of my most cherished memories of her final days.  I love that goodbye was not an option for her, but instead a simple statement reminding us all that we will enjoy a loving reunion somewhere later on down the line, was.

Miss U!  Love U!  Mean it, my sweet Mama!!

 “See you tomorrow!!”

Mama and me

 

 

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Something I Learned From Her

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For Her, hello was never meant to be a one word greeting.

For Her, hello was a knock on the door saying,

“Welcome, have a seat and let’s chit chat for a while.”

Questionable Vacation

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I know that Spring Break is supposed to be a carefree and glorious time; but to be honest, I’d barely made it out of the parking lot at work before I broke down into tears.  We have had an incredibly stressful time at work recently and the “come down” was inevitable.  Stress release is such a bizarre thing.  I didn’t expect to have this reaction, but I know why I did.

The freedom of time, with no restraints has always allowed me the privilege of talking with Mom whenever I wanted to, which is what I would always do at the onset of vacation.  We would chat about all sorts of things with no limitations.  It also allowed for the luxury of jumping on a plane to catch a quick visit back home, if desired.  At times, I chose to do that and at others I simply spent the time traveling to other places for relaxation.

At this point in time, I’m rethinking my decision to stay home.  My initial thought was that it would be good to just relax and allow myself the down time to decompress.  However, now I wish I had planned something to keep my mind otherwise occupied.  I feel certain that I will feel differently after a good night’s rest…but for now…my heart hurts and I long to talk with Mom about anything and everything.